so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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