Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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