Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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