I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
