apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
