forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
