In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
