I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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