Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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