Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
