Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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