i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
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Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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