Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
