hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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