she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
