Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
