he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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