What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
