Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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