In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
