Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
