Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
