FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
