she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
