I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
