but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
