I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
worst night to have a conscience
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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