Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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