I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
