life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize