he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
