I could have mohawked her pubes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
