i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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