before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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