I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
