Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
