my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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