ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
