Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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