I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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