dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
