I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
