How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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