i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
