remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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