Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
