The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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