Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
