Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
