dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I could have mohawked her pubes.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
