I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He felt like a one man threesome
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
