How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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