I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you win again, gameday.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
