when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She's the barista slut.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
