i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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