Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
