let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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