If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
