is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
