I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
