ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
