I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
