Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
