Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
