i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
