I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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